


Dungeons and Shenanigans

by PadaWinBaby



Category: Funhaus (Video Blogging RPF), Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF, ScrewAttack RPF, The Creatures | Cow Chop RPF
Genre: Multi, This thing is a clusterfuck of shipping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-02
Updated: 2018-12-02
Packaged: 2019-09-05 15:31:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16813453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PadaWinBaby/pseuds/PadaWinBaby
Summary: An AU loosely built on the vaguest idea of a D&D campaign a friend of mine runs. This is effectively shipping shenanigans in a fantasy setting.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [KingKovic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/KingKovic/gifts).



Lindsay was the first to find the little meadow where the stream narrowed to a trickle, babbling softly over the smooth stones. The grass there was tall, and studded with colorful bursts of wildflowers, and the forest canopy opened just enough to let in a cheery dappled light. At the north end of the meadow was a small rocky cliff with a shallow cave, hidden neatly behind the the wide trunk of a majestic oak that was easily three times as tall as its local peers. She immediately stripped off her furs and regalia with a whoop, and frolicked until it got too dark to see properly. 

Gavin discovered the place next, wandering away from the Academy for "a bit of a walkie-doo" in the woods. He immediately recognized the wildflowers for their uses in spell and potion alike, and started to gather some, but quickly got bored and started practicing his guilty pleasure, conjuration. Strictly speaking, conjuration was considered selfish, and was generally frowned on by the ruling Arcanamonk, who favored evocation and illusion. But Gavin loved being able to produce things from thin air, avoiding the hassle of the market as much as he could. He stayed and played with spells until he figured enough time had passed, and headed back to the Academy. 

Lindsay was the one who introduced Meg to the meadow, leading the tiefling on a flirtatious trek through the woods with the promise of some alone time when they arrived. They tumbled through the wildflowers and filled the hollow with laughter. When they settled, naked, in the little cave, Meg read to her druid from a book she'd pinched off a passing merchant, about the first tiefling, until Lindsay fell asleep. Meg kissed the human's brow and stayed the night with her in their cozy little nook. 

Gavin dragged Michael to the meadow to teach him how to meditate after the half-elf broke a table during a barroom dispute with his dwarf friend Jeremy over something trivial. The warrior had scared himself, and begged Gavin to teach him how to be calm. What began as friendly banter as Gavin guided Michael through an easy meditation devolved into kissing, which became touching, starting with Gavin's sensitive pointed ears. In the sweaty aftermath, Gavin made Michael laugh, and the boys cuddled up in the tall grass. 

The four met one day in late spring, each having independently decided that they needed to get away from their various responsibilities, and all ending up in the meadow. They were hesitant, at first, to share their space, until Lindsay made the executive decision to take her top off, because "if I'm gonna die, I'm gonna do it tits out," which made everyone laugh. Gavin conjured a hearty lunch for them, Meg read stories from one of her books, and Lindsay braided wildflowers into Michael's curls. From then on, they met daily at the meadow, sharing sex in various combinations, and just enjoying each other's company in the one place they all had to themselves.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jealousy rears its ugly head. Brief mention of Dan.

Lindsay was naked and cuddling with a fully-clothed Meg on top of her furs when Michael clattered into the clearing, shedding his heavy armor and kneeling by the brook to splash cool water on his face. She kissed the tiefling's jaw and got up to greet him. He blushed when he saw her; he always did. "You look angry," she said, carding her fingers through his damp curls.

Michael sighed. "Gavin's got a friend in town, some chav named Dan," Michael replied, hurt clear in his voice. "He's a warrior, like me, but he's a high elf." He was jealous, that much was clear. Gavin's affection was always quicksilver and difficult to pin down, and all of them were afraid that someday he'd tire of them. 

Lindsay pulled Michael's head in against her chest, and his hands followed, laying her back against the moss beside the water. She kissed his freckles and his lips, enveloping him in her soft and curvy body. She let him take what he needed from her, and he sobbed against her breast after he came. 

After Michael had cried himself out and washed his face again, Lindsay cast a quick healing spell on him to clear his sinuses, and they both joined Meg back in the cave. Michael laid his head in the tiefling's lap and fell asleep. 

Gavin showed up close to sundown, after Meg had built a fire to warm them, looking guilty and trailing a large but shy elf behind him. Meg wrapped Lindsay's furs over the human and half-elf who were curled together and asleep, and went to intercept the little sorcerer. Gavin balked slightly at the murder in the tiefling's eyes. "Give me one good reason I don't light you on fire right now," she growled. The warrior's hand went to a weapon he wasn't wearing, then dropped. 

"This is Dan," Gavin explained. Meg turned her eyes on the larger elf and narrowed them. "We were raised in the same creche. He's recently retired from service in the royal army of Nethendal, and he's looking to settle down somewhere he can learn a new trade. I set him up with an apprenticeship at a jeweler's in town, and I wanted to introduce him to the most important people in my life."

Meg sighed and took Gavin's face in her hands. "You've hurt Michael badly," she murmured to him in Infernal. "He believes he's not good enough because he's only half the elf Dan is. If you introduce him, show Michael that he still matters to you." She punctuated her speech with a kiss on the forehead, then turned to Dan, who seemed a bit confused. 

"Hail and well met, Dan of Nethendal," Meg said in Elvish. Dan smiled and replied in kind, stumbling when he realized he didn't know her name. Meg supplied it and shook his hand firmly. "The others are asleep, I fear, but that's nothing the smell of food couldn't cure."

Meg got to work on dinner when they got back to the cave, the smell rousing Michael and Lindsay as anticipated. Michael was sullen and silent until Gavin climbed into his lap and started cooing at his boi, pressing affectionate kisses to his neck. The tension bled out of Michael quicker than water from a broken pot, and soon the half-elf was cracking jokes and cuddling his elf looke it was any other day. The quartet made Dan feel at home in their stolen hideaway. 

The girls walked Dan back to his lodgings, leaving Michael and Gavin alone. "I'm sorry I hurt you, my boi," Gavin murmured, knowing exactly what was coming. Michael pinned Gavin to the dirt and made quick work of pushing into him, making Gavin squeal. The quick and dirty coupling was as much punishment as release, designed to torture them both. They were both the kind of lovers who liked to look their conquests in the eye, believing in intimacy over everything. But this, this was meant to enforce the pain Michael had felt, the distance, the anger. But it was also forgiveness, as Michael sat back and pulled Gavin with him, bouncing the much smaller elf on his dick and wearing a large, calloused hand around Gavin's. When Michael came, he kissed his elf's neck, and Gavin shuddered through right after him. They were quiet for a while, just catching their breaths. "I love you, my boi," Michael murmured. Gavin smiled into the darkness. "I love you too, boi," he replied.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More jealousy elsewhere.

Trevor has been standing with his back to the door for almost two hours. There was meant to be a meeting of the Arcanamonk, and so he was required to be on hand, but it's been two hours, and still the only attendant member is the High Arcanamonk of Wizards, a ram-horned satyr named Geoff. Trevor glances at him from time to time, curious when he'll be allowed to leave. The satyr has a massive tome open on his lap as he reclines on his throne, once cloven hoof swinging where his hairy legs are crossed. 

"Did you know that Blink was invented by a tabaxi wizard with hay fever?" Geoff asks nonchalantly. "Apparently she sneezed so hard she popped into the Ethereal Plane. Took her ages to figure out how to get back." He turns a page, looking over at Trevor almost expectantly. Trevor gulps, eyes flicking over to meet the satyr’s sunken blue gaze. Trevor lingers for a moment on the tiny laugh lines around Geoff’s eyes, before flickering away again. Composure. Professional distance. He shakes his head slightly in denial.

“How did she get back?” Trevor asked, mouth suddenly dry. Geoff’s mouth curls into a crooked-toothed smile.

“She sneezed again,” the satyr stated simply, turning another page and returning his gaze to his book. A lifetime passes in the few moments that Geoff remains quiet.

“You can go,” Geoff says finally. “I don’t think they’re coming.” Trevor relaxes, instantly and visibly. Hew mumbles a thank you that just manages to drown out Geoff’s amused snort. As if on cue, a painted elf sweeps into the room, hide skirts dragging the ground behind her.

“Shall I stick a fork in you, dearest?” she asks, her beautiful face carven from sunkissed ochre and painted in a masking rainbow of natural pigments. Her true name is difficult to pronounce, even for Trevor’s half-elven tongue. Luckily, the druidic barbarian likes the name Trevor has given her: Barb. Trevor’s face lights up when he sees her. “Yes, I’m done,” he tells her. She produces from her bag a small toy made of felted wool scraps. She has given him many like it, no two ever exactly the same.This one is in the shape of a little grey kitten, stretching, with it’s darling little butt in the air and tail curled towards its head.

“Thank you,” Trevor says reverently, taking the little figure with gentle hands. He treasures every gift she brings him, but this one is easily his new favorite.”I shall call him Brightfang..” The painted elf grins at him, a sight he never would have dreamed of six months ago when her envoy rolled into Austere from the high desert of Canterra to parlay with the leaders of the High Peak dwarves over land rights. 

Trevor had been assigned Jack detail that day, and they’d needed the High Arcanamonk of Clerics and Paladins to cast a zone of truth to determine if Gherren Rockbane had truly been mining out under the Canterran elves’ feet (spoiler: he had been). Barb had been stoic and emotionless during the whole meeting, and he’d been taken with her immediately. These days, she was much more relaxed, and appeared to be enjoying the cooler weather.

Trevor feels eyes on him as the elf takes his arm and leads him to the door to the stairs down the Tower. When he looks back, there is an inscrutable, burning look in Geoff’s eyes that almost resembles jealousy, but it is quickly tamped down, replaced with immense emotional exhaustion. He gives Trevor a sleepy smile, and Trevor turns the corner down the stairs, out of sight.

Trevor is not called for Geoff detail for weeks after that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Arcanamonk is a concept lifted directly from my friend's D&D campaign, and molded to fit my needs. It's effectively a ruling council of magic users, featuring representatives from the different magical classes. They make collective decisions regarding fair use of magic in the realm. Certain members, such as Gavin and Lindsay, are rather lax in attendance of meetings, though.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm sensing that jealousy is becoming a theme here. But there's some mistaken identity, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can absolutely blame Candlenights on the McElroys. (They're in this universe, too, though I doubt they'll make much of an appearance.)

Jeremy blamed the raucous Candlenights party and the heavy drinking. Honestly, they didn't even look the same, the dragonborn's scales hard and golden, and Geoff's skin sallow and smooth. The horns Ryan sported were tall and arched back, while Geoff's were tighter coiled around his ears and ridged where Ryan's were smooth until they met his scales. Geoff had HAIR, for gods' sake!

But none of that registered in Jeremy's inebriated brain when he cornered Geoff in a dark hallway, thinking he was Ryan, and kissed him like a dying man. Geoff had kissed him back, surprised, but willing if Jeremy was. It wasn't until Ryan came around a corner with a mage light and said Jeremy's name in a broken, betrayed voice that his mistake even registered. He pushed Geoff away roughly, trying over himself as he tried to back away, and took his horrified look with him as he fell ass over tea kettle. 

Jeremy had a unique vantage point on Ryan bristling with fire and Abyssal energy as he assaulted his wizard friend with the full force of his pact magic. Geoff barely threw a Shield up in time to avoid dying, and then Ryan had Jeremy...somewhere else. 

The bedchamber was much more spartan than Jeremy expected, considering it housed by far the gaudiest member of the Arcanamonk. The bed was sumptuous, certainly, but there were fewer velvets and furs than he expected. Before he knew it, Jeremy was pinned beneath Ryan's body and the warlock was kissing him hard, sharp teeth catching in his skin. 

Jeremy woke up to the soft brush of warm breath against the back of his neck, and a hard scaled arm wrapped around his chest. He smiled to himself and nuzzled against the warmth of his arm. 

He promptly sliced his nose on a particularly sharp scale.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Cow Chop boys enjoy making Chad blush.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no excuse for this.

Chad had sensitive ears. It wasn't exactly a secret. He was a high elf aasimar, and when your ears were as long and as pointed as Chad's, they funneled ant farts directly into your brain, they were so sensitive. But as Aleks and James, his two best friends and occasional lovers, were fond of proving, that wasn't the only way they were sensitive. 

James liked to touch Chad's pale, pointed ears and watch him shiver, red rising on his cheeks and flushing him clear to the tips of the offending ears. The tiniest bit of pressure would shoot directly to his dick, and James knew it. Her banked on it, in fact, often employing the barest suggestion of a touch when he wanted to win a fight, or beat Chad at a game. Chad would call it unfair if James didn't always, always take care of the problem afterwards, his dark curls spreading out like a blanket across Chad’s pale thighs. 

Aleks was meaner, if you could call it that. The rogue looked to sneak up on Chad and blow gently on the extended shell of his ear, making him shudder and squeal. Aleks would hold him down and mouth along the edge of his ear, torturing Chad until he came helplessly in his pants.

Both of them enjoyed making him blush and squirm, and when they were together, they were a force to be reckoned with. James would very reckless, and Aleks encouraged him. Chad always came away from their threesomes bruised and lightheaded, but giddy, both dreading and looking forward to their next encounter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter is mostly Funhaus setup, and should be up soonish.


End file.
